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Apr. 18th, 2004 @ 01:12 pm
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i got a new lj. jenn_and_tonic.
yea. |
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i'm watching the blind melon video with the chubby little bumble bee girl & i've come to the realization i am the chubby little bumble bee girl. all i really want to do is dance around in the streets in front of strangers and then find my own bumble bee set of friends who understand my need to dance & accept me for me.
ahh.
i should stop being sick. |
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today i watched about a boy for the third time and bought a toaster for new york. rachel and i picked out paint colors and chris a. called me a lesbian cos i didn't want to go to the movies.
hurrah!
i didn't call a lot of people this weekend, a lot of people i SHOULD HAVE called. i'm sorry. i really suck. it's true. |
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"so he got his tooth knocked out and now he's got a chiclet to replace it." |
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today i looked out the window and all i saw was winter.
i feel like i'm deliberately ruining all my friendships. tonight i had chinese food alone. as i walked back to school i thought that i should get used to this solitude. i really want to talk to a few people but my ego and pride prevent me from doing so. & then everything you say makes me want to hit you with a chair & i apologize.
i've been making phone calls but NO ONE CALLS ME BACK. which in my head is a big fuck you. so thanks everyone, at least i know how we stand and i wasn't making up the part where we stopped being friends.
so tonight, i feel alone. and i'm probably just overdramatizing this as i do everything else but i'm moody and sad and everything everyone says makes me feel so small.
why do my emotions have to be so inconsistent? |
| » dear jesus...are you listening? |
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remember that time that i deleted my journal and then hopelessly starting writing in it again. yea. what a time.
i'm in an angry mood. an angry mood because i don't have the time to do what i really want to do. an angry mood because i have really stupid hair. an angry mood because i just ran into the corner of my bed and cut my leg open. an angry mood because in exactly one hour i will be at grease rehearsal.
and all i really want to do is sleep.
p.s.
i despise this rainy weather.
Mar. 16th, 2004 @ 05:01 pm
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| » say whaaaaat? |
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"...explode through your penal valve..."
i'm watching the oc cos john said we all just HAAAAAAD to.
i hope it snows because we still haven't made snow angels and spring is so close to being here i can almost feel it. & you my dear, are such a little scientist, next time you're in town we should demonstrate our best-friendedness by having lunch or something just as substantial. i miss you, you, and her. where have you been all this time? and what have you been doing?
i'm in a rather good mood.
15 hours of my day were spent at school.
more plates and plastic cups are being bought for the apartment.
tomorrow will consist of job hunting.
this weekend will consist of being reacquainted with everyone i've been missing.
let's all go dancing in the streets.
Feb. 11th, 2004 @ 09:39 pm
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| » that makes me the jerk with the heartache. |
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i got a part in a one act called "boiling people in my coffee". emily & mckenzie are directing it. i don't think they wanted me to be in it. afterall, i'm not betsy but they had to settle for someone. why not me?
but it's okay. i will show them. i will show everyone.
"i could make you happy. if you weren't already. i could do a lot of things. and i do."
& i'm just sad.
so there's nothing more to say about anything.
"& who am i, i bet you can't even tell me that much."
Feb. 9th, 2004 @ 06:15 pm
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| » if you let me have the chance, i will tear you apart. |
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i just felt something crawling on my arm. my first thought was it was the spider i saw from last night. but then i looked down and realized it was nothing, nothing at all.
i'm just not one for words right now.
let's just go for a walk.
"& i dont know what's worse- the eyes or words."
Feb. 6th, 2004 @ 09:04 pm
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| » how cute, how friggin' adorable. |
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my mother took down our christmas tree today. now i feel as if there is a huge void in my life.
where have all the colors gone?
on another note, there is a spider crawling on my wall. one of the good kinds, with the long legs, that eats the bad bugs. it's pretty. i should've taken a picture of it.
today was callbacks for the spring one acts. i really hope i get a part. it'll make my day (week, month, ect ect). also, i auditioned for the part of rizzo in grease. it was the most fun i've ever had at an audition. i sang & everything. and the best part is, i wasn't nervous. and i don't have that "i could've done this or that better". i'm happy with what i did. if i get a part well then, awesome! if not, it's no big deal.
that's how life should be. no big deal. no stress. just ... free. i don't know.
i'm sleepy.
this probably makes no sense to anyone.
i'm too lazy to make any changes.
oh well.
i can't find my break dancin' shirt. i was supposed to let jesses borrow it a month ago.
i'm horrid.
xoxox.
Feb. 4th, 2004 @ 07:19 pm
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| » as one by one the lovers fall. |
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even though she might not believe me, i think he's in love with her. & i wish he would tell her instead of being such a dumbass.
and even though we've never had a decent conversation i still think you're the most amazing, talented, and interesting person in the entire world. i would like nothing more than to hold your hand and know what goes on inside your head. and if i had the chance, i would totally fall head over heels for you.
but i don't want to think about "what ifs". i'm through with such thoughts.
instead, i'm just going to keep silent. at least this way i know you'll never get the chance to break my heart.
who wants to get hurt anyways?
Feb. 3rd, 2004 @ 10:30 pm
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| » i'm told that i'm a victim of obsession. |
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this past weekend was a blast. but i'm waay to tired and lazy to write about everything that happend. just know i had an amazing time and learned a lot about myself. i had some really good conversations with a few people and had a awesome time dancing with others. everyone was so great. i did somehow manage to hurt my ankle. the swelling has gone down, so whatever. i got motion sickness on the way home and felt extremely nasuseous for about an hour&1/2. it was horrible. :o(
when i got home i talked with mikey and then i hung out with alex. she's the cooolest. we did stuff.
now i'm way sleepy. i have to do my play production notebook for my exam grade tomorrow. gasp. i've barely started.
oh well.
xox.
Feb. 1st, 2004 @ 10:09 pm
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| » what can i say? sometimes i'm a liar. |
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sometimes i'm real emotional.
whatever, it happens.
i plan on making a drastic change in my life. i'm not going to be a pushover anymore. & i started working out in my room. it's cute. i figured since i can't join the ymca i might as well still try to get in shape. i listened to my 80's mix and junior senior cd today while doing my "routine", which consists of sit-ups, crunches, sidebends, these karate kick things, jumping jacks, and yoga! :o) it makes me smile. when it gets warm i want to go running again.
i plan to take pictures of everything and everyone.
come model for me.
prom is 5 months away and today my friend, courtney, said her and a bunch of other girls bought their dresses. how weird! not only that, but they already planned dinner and hotel arrangements. extreme.
dropping names is fun!
hey mikey, let's be best friends again! i miss you.
i <3 dani, alex, krissy, deanna, & camille a WHOLE lot!
sabrina is the greatest person in the whole wide world.
j-schil is a very nice guy, whom i respect a lot even though i don't really talk to him.
congratulations to kelly for getting into mary baldwin! woohoo! you're my hero.
mckenzie is beautiful.
emily whalen will always be a super star.
& alex is a princess.
oh by the way, "im so wasted".
the end.
Jan. 28th, 2004 @ 08:39 pm
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| » tell me the same old story. |
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friDAY-
left school at ten thirty. went to party city. then to tropical smoothie. mmmmm grilled cheese. went to salem high for vhsl. watched some good plays. i dug fc's gorgeous raptors the most. james, mckenzie, charlotte, liz, betsy, and myself went out to eat at a steakhouse for dinner and used the school's money to pay for it. :o) went back to salem. saw some more plays.
last night-
mon chi chi. lots of dancing. (even zack got his groove on.) dance dance revolution. good conversation on the way back from norfolk. waffles at ihop. sleep for two hours.
today-
woke up at seven. vhsl at salem high school. we took second place. emily and i were staulkers with sex hair. talked to a boy. blah. blah. blah. didn't go to quilters rehearsal seeing as i would just be sitting there rotating. so i went home. made a pb&j sandwich and then went to sleep.
i just got done looking at fit and pratt institute in new york. my guidance counselor suggested i apply to pratt because she thought i'd like it. yea, it only costs 23,528 annually for tutition! i could never afford that. in the end, it would be like paying for a house. fit seems neat. but i don't know. there's no switching majors. you pick something, you stick it out, get your associates degree and then have the choice of getting your bachelors. why don't i have it easy like everyone else? i wish i had everything planned out. but i don't. not in the slightest. it would be neat to be a photography major, but what if i'm horrible at it? what if i never take a decent picture? what if i fail? argh.
on a happier, less stressful note, emily is painting me a picture for my bathroom and jeremy is going to take a photography for my bathroom. i'm quite excited. my bathroom is going to be the hippest place around, i mean, their artwork plus the blue bathtub.
this was long....
Jan. 24th, 2004 @ 09:19 pm
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| » HAPPY BIRTHDAY LISA!!! |
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i just got home from lisa's suprise bday bash. it was fun. really nicely decorated and very well planned by the camille. kudos to camille, john, and janel for their supa work. and HAPPY 23rd to the lisa!!!
at the party was this guy who came up and talked to me and rachel. he asks me, "so, what do you do with yourself?" i tried to stay away from "oh, go to high school" so i just babbled about art. eventually, after talking about a variety of things i say, "yea, we're in high school" and then he goes "aw, man!" (and he actually looks disappointed. like i would've been cool and someone worthy of him if i was older. pssssh.) it was hilarious. rachel and i then told him how he was going to casually walk away or find someone he hasn't seen in AGES and who he just HAS to talk to. he tried to tell us "oh, no. high schoolers are human to."
less than five mintues - he was on the other side of the room.
it was hi-lar-i-ous. i couldn't stop laughing.
Jan. 22nd, 2004 @ 11:11 pm
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| » explode. |
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i skipped fourth block today. who needs ap pyschology anyways? yea, i probably shouldn't have done that but i didn't feel too well. christopher atkinson (who's birthday is friday) drove me home cos he loves me.
i had lunch with courtney. i showed her the nkotb video afterwards. it never gets old. it always makes me smile. then she left to go study.
the other day rachel and i bought the plates i really really wanted from the navy exchange. they're bright orange and plastic. we also picked out a shower curtain and decided i need to get a job that pays a whole lot of money cos theres 78791232494542314 things i want to buy for the apartment. time's going by so slow, but then again i'm kind of glad. only five more months of school. it's so weird. i'm going to be moving out on my own. with no plan. no direction. no idea of what the hell i'm going to do besides where i'm going to be living. sometimes i think that i won't go through with it because i'm such a pussy. eh, i have such big dreams.
my latest plan;
audition for grease & get a part dammit!
join the ymca & get into shape.
study more.
apply for a waitressing job at dennys. (sounds kinda lame but i think i can make a bunch of money as a waitress)
write more stuff for the cover.
change the world.
i'm gonna do it all. you just wait and see.
oh yea,
this weekend-
mon chi chi
who's down????
(i know camille is!!!)
Jan. 21st, 2004 @ 02:52 pm
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| » tired & exposed. |
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three day weekends are the best.
-quilters on saturday night. followed by a gathering of 45 at chili's. deanna and alix stopped by. it was neat.
-went over to mitchell's with rachel for a bit. then came home and slept.
-hung around the house all day sunday. went and saw "chasing liberty" with courtney.
-deanna called. alix came and picked me up. i hung out with those girls and met emily, katie, angelica, and kate. they were nice & fun. we all went to ihop. yummy hot chocolate. went back to deanna's and watched blind date until we were all ready to fall asleep. and then we did.
-woke up. alix, deanna, & me ate fake chicken nuggets and perorgoekoedsakjfdkjg; (can't spell). went over to alix's house. wathced head over heels and emily came over. then alix drove me home.
it was fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun.
school tomorrow is gonna blow. i think i have vhsl rehearsal all week. and then a wed. quilters rehearsal. oh well. i need to take my sats. hah. i promise, one of these days i'm gonna get around to it. oh and i think i'm gonna join the ymca with alix if i can convince my parents to pay for it or get a job. it'd be fun.
Jan. 19th, 2004 @ 04:18 pm
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| » & we sink & we drown. |
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sometimes i just want to scream.
everything is so overwhelming.
i wish i could get away for a while.
favorite part of school lately = text message tag with krissy. <3333333. (she rocks if you didn't know.)
tomorrow = opening night of quilters.
(let the tragedy begin.)
Jan. 14th, 2004 @ 09:27 pm
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| » the snow came in, a great white blanket. |
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so, i'm sick.
horribly.
yesterday i went to the nurses so they could call my mommy and then i was gonna have chris drive me home.
well, after waiting 45mins because the other nurse was on the phone with her insurance company, they finally got to call my mom.
except, the person they called wasn't my mom at all.
it was zack.
ha. he's listed as my emergency contact. lol. therefore he has the authority to say i can leave school. hahah.
anyways, the nurse has been talkin to him for like five minutes and realizes "oh wait you're not jenn's mom". nonetheless he came and picked me up and i adore him for that.
we stopped by panic, picked up the cover.
then rachel came over sometime after he dropped me off and brought taco bell.
i adore her too.
we went and got my paycheck and cashed that and then went to buy some music.
saw hairy gary.
came home.
passed out.
camille called at one something cos it was snowing.
couldn't fall back asleep.
stayed up all night thinking about all the things i could be doing if only i could move.
got up at 545.
got ready for school.
went.
it was snowing.
all day.
school was horrible. started feeling nauseous (can't spell) during third block.
did absolutely nothing in theatre except talk to emily, james, mckenzie, and derit.
came home.
got into a fight with parents.
yea whatev.
got real emo.
then started puking.
courtney calls, while i'm still crying/feeling icky, agrees to rescue me and take me to get medicine.
we do that.
i come home after some time.
eat.
talk to camille.
go to sleep.
rachel woke me up.
i still heart her though.
now i realize that was kinda long.
sorry.
it happens.
when you've got the death and all.
Jan. 9th, 2004 @ 09:09 pm
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